A boozehound goes sober...

A boozehound goes sober...

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Day 7: The Problem Solver

Day 7. 12:11am. Night. Drinks-0.

I slept in this morning until 11am. This should be nothing of note, but this is the first morning since Jan. 1st that I have been in bed past 9am. It felt great. As a matter of fact, my day was lovely. I did a lot of things for ME today. I went for a short run, got my nails done, joined a gym, caught up with a good friend over salads and tacos at Whole Foods, and had a fun rehearsal with pals I've known for years. Then it happened...a conflict with someone I am very close to. 

I felt misunderstood, unable to communicate my wants and needs, and infuriated by all of it. The problem was resolved and a general "this was a miscommunication," stamp was placed on the whole situation. 

I can't help but shake when the urge(s) came to drink. During the middle of it, I thought "I just don't want to deal with this. I need a glass of wine." By the end of it, I was so exhausted I thought, "I need a drink to relax after this." Instead, I had a turkey burger and a soda water while I did a crossword puzzle. I reflected. I realized where I messed up and wasn't the best version of myself, I realized why I was really upset, and I realized that the world was still turning and I was still eating a turkey burger that I bought with my money which means I am DOING OK! 

Would I have come to those realizations after a glass (or two) of wine? I am not sure...maybe. But I know I wouldn't have the clarity because I wouldn't have asked myself some of the harder questions. 

The idea that a glass of wine or a whiskey will calm me down or make me feel better IS ABSURD, but it was a common practice for me. Alcohol is not my problem solver...it just pushes the problem back a couple hours, days or months. 

I still feel a little wonky about it, but I am glad I didn't drink tonight. I am glad I dealt with it. I am glad I am sitting in my bed listening to Savage Love and not drunk at some bar/theater replaying the wrong highlights of a conversation. I am glad I asked myself hard questions. I am glad I realized my faults as well as why I was upset and why it was ok to be upset. Tonight, I am just glad I am doing this. 

Day 7. Complete and feeling very reflective. 


Weight Loss-I didn't weigh in today. Some days you gotta say 'fuck it,' amirite?
Money spent-A lot--I got my nails done, joined a gym and ate a turkey burger. I DID ME TODAY!
# of foot in mouth moments-5 (I was over emotional)

No comments:

Post a Comment