It finally came...THE ENERGY TO DO ANYTHING PAST 10pm BESIDES SLEEP! Today was jam packed, and if the last two weeks were any indication for how I would feel, I was anticipating falling asleep on anything that look remotely like a pillow.
Instead, I was jazzed to be apart of every to-do, event, and social interaction I had. I want a moment of honesty here...sober interactions can be awkward for everyone. The pleasantries can last too long and then we've lost our window to transition into deeper conversation. That is really sad to write...but it is true. I've had several conversations with people who are trying dry January as well. Everyone comments on how awkward life is, and how a glass of wine can open you up to a conversation you would be too guarded to have otherwise.
Lately, I have been avoiding social situations as to not tempt myself or to sleep--because I am tired all the time! I am not drinking but avoiding something (people and relationships) that used to give me so much life....like Paula Abdul said, "I take two steps forward and two steps back."
I am also avoiding them because, when in those situations, I have noticed how reserved and guarded I am. Being friendly and outgoing takes energy...energy I just haven't had (or maybe it is that all my energy has been going into making sure I am taking care of me this month?) Either way, I am not engaging in meaningful interactions with friends, acquaintances etc. I don't think alcohol was the reason I was able to do that before...and if so THEN THAT IS A PROBLEM! I just think it started the ball rolling.
TONIGHT--I showed myself that I am capable of opening up and having the ENERGY to have great conversations, dancing and fun! Tonight really felt great. Nothing of note happened. I ran. I ate hummus. I watched new students of improv. I sang a lot of Paula Abdul and Janet Jackson. I chatted with pals. I had weird conversations and good conversations. I wasn't tired....until now!
I still cringe at these realizations, but I am being more candid and open about how much apart of my daily life alcohol was. People are being more candid and open with me about their struggle with it too. It makes for some great realizations about the "young adult" world we live in...yadda yadda yadda.
Day 18. Complete. Y'all really should listen to Paula Abdul's collection! Straight Up still holds up!
Becca
Drinks-0
Weight Loss- I am not really sure. I tried to weigh myself today and stopped cause...fuck it!
Money Spent- $7.50
# of foot in mouth moments-3. I am telling you conversations can get weird!
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